I have officially been at my new job for two weeks. During those two weeks I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I haven't done this type of work for about six months and I forgot just how demanding it is. By demanding I mean physically, emotionally and mentally. It is just a difficult job, period. Once you get a routine down, you are set. It also doesn't help that there is a lot of things going on in the building. . . drama to say the least. You may think Grey's Anatomy is just a show, but I promise you, hospitals and clinics are full of that much chaos in terms of drama. Due to the drama, everyone is so uptight and on the edge of their seat at all times. I am looking forward to it settling down.
In these two weeks I have learned something very important, attitude can change anything. I had the worst attitude about my new job up until about Tuesday. I was on the verge of breaking down and quitting my job. I have way too many patients and I am only one person. I had been running around extremely stressed trying to meet the needs of everyone the second their call light came on. Monday night I was thinking as I was lying in bed, " I sure have a nasty attitude, I wonder if the patients can tell, because if so, I am becoming the type of CNA that I don't want to be. I am only one person and I can only do one person's job." Having that mentality, I went to work and I remained calm. At times I had five call lights on, but I told myself, "no running, no negative self-talk and remember to breathe." It worked. I have had better days there since I have checked in with myself. I think that we as humans we forget to check in with our feelings and push through day by day just ready to collapse inside. I was once told that if we pay attention to how we talk to ourselves sometimes, we might be taken back. For example, I was running late for work, left something in the house that I needed and didn't notice until I was in my car. I said out loud to myself, "Courtney you are an idiot, get it together." Okay, how rude! If I was with my best friend and she did the same thing, I wouldn't call her an idiot and tell her to get it together. I would instead encourage her and be patient. I think we need to try talking to ourselves as if we were talking to our close friend or family member. I am sure most can relate.
I am enjoying my two days off with Travis. I am sure having days off together will not happen very often, but it is sure a treat. I am so lucky to have such a fun loving guy to share my life with. Thats all I have to offer right now.